I feel like such a useless piece of shit. No one gives a fuck what I’m going through every fucking day when I get home. It’s intolerable. I would trade her for you, any day. That’s something you wouldn’t want me to say, but it’s true. I don’t know how to deal with her since
you’ve been gone, and I don’t think that I can live here much longer. All I want is for someone to be proud of me, rather than tell me how useless I am all the time. You were always the only one. And now that you’re not here, and schools over, I feel like I have absolutely no purpose. I don’t know what to do…

7:53 pm  •  27 May 2012

This is going to be the hardest of all. You were the one who supported me the most and pushed the hardest for me to succeed. I wish you were here.

10:26 pm  •  20 May 2012  •  1 note

Miss your voice and funny presents. Love you most.

12:43 am  •  14 April 2012  •  1 note

I’m starting to feel like you’re not here again. Where are you? Help me. Make something good happen. Please… I need you so bad.

1:17 am  •  28 February 2012

We moved into the new apartment yesterday, I wished you were there. So, so bad. I don’t like all these things happening in my life without you here to tell about them.

1:51 pm  •  20 February 2012  •  2 notes

Things are going well lately. I don’t feel I should jynx anything, but I’m really excited for the next few weeks and months. But I still wish you were here, obviously, even if things are going rather well.

I need your advice on some things. Some relationship things, things I could never tell my mother. Because she’s always too holier than thou and judgmental. And even though you were the religious one, you always treated me with respect. And you understood how hard it was to be a young woman. And the pressures I face. But best of all… you always had the most faith in me to do what was right and always reassured me of that. You shaped me into someone respectable and wise, and I could never thank you more for that. I need to have the faith in myself and in others that you had in me, right now.

In a week, you would have been 68 years young. We could have done shots of baileys and laughed the night away. In a week, I’ll be starting the first of many enormous positive changes in my life. All thanks to you. Here’s to your memory, I will never disrespect it by being so unforgivably unhappy anymore. Never again.

10:45 am  •  12 February 2012  •  1 note

I miss you every day, every moment.

I just miss you. I just wanna speak to you.  I just wanna hold your hand again.

2:53 pm  •  7 February 2012  •  1 note

Thank you for watching over us today and making things go right, for once. Thank you for showing us that you’re still here and always going to be here. Thank you for continuously being the best thing in my life, even when you’re gone. Thank you for reminding me you’re not really gone.

Thank you for everything. I love you.

1:27 am  •  2 February 2012  •  1 note

I haven’t been talking to you much lately. Maybe I’m sort of pissed because all of this bad shit is happening all at the same time and I can’t sort through it or straighten out my life at all. I’m a terrible granddaughter/best friend. I’m sorry.

But I just need you, NEED YOU to come through for us. Watch over us. Make this happen. Make something good happen. Please. Help us. Things are so fucking bad. We’re about to be homeless. So please make this apartment available. We need you more than ever. 

Please.

1:03 am  •  1 February 2012  •  1 note

So many feelings, no words to put them down. It’s getting worse every day. I thought time is the only thing that can possibly make this any easier. It’s been months, and I everytime I think about how sick you were and the funeral and every emotion I had during that time I get nauseous.

I’m losing myself. I lost myself. You’d hate who I am now. But I don’t even know how to be a good person anymore. I feel like it’s all gone to shit because you’re not here. Why bother? People just leave anyway. Everything is so temporary. I just wanna push the world away.

7:24 pm  •  9 January 2012